do you hear what I hear?

short story:

yesterday I felt pretty accomplished. I was able to procure SEVEN chairs for our house in the space of 2 short car trips.  see, I'm still on the email list to the garden co-op my housemates and I were in last year (but are no longer a part of..) and there was a moving sale from a guy named Beat.  Ok Beat (I'm thinking...of the Dwight Schrute variety?) - I emailed him sunday about my interest in his dining room chairs because as of that moment, my house of 7 had 7 chairs and 4 of them are just on loan till next week or so.  *tick tock tick tock* So this moving sale seemed to be perfect timing!  I was coming back from PA on Sunday and told Beat that I'd call late that afternoon.  well, I forgot.

No worries, I emailed him Sunday evening and asked if we could arrange for Monday after work.  Beat said yes, so then I called Monday afternoon to just confirm place, price, etc.  I called again when I was about to leave, and called again when I was just about there.  By the time I met Beat, I had said his name at least 3 times to him and possibly 40 times in my head.  well....

his name is pronounced Bee-aht.  Like...European.  whoops.  

in my small talk as we were looking at/checking out the chairs, I asked where he and his wife were moving.  He said something that sounded like Missouri.  as we were walking with the chairs to my car, I was like, so...Missouri, huh? And Beat was like, no .. Zurich as in Switzerland...where I'm from.  DOH! uh..European.  whoops.

so, instead of Beat from Missouri (insert hick accent), picture me talking to European Bee-aht and then picture me high-fiving everyone for my amazing intercultural skills.  good.

sweet community

I've been the recipient of some sweet community recently.  Take yesterday, for example.  Inexplicably, but truly, I was feeling lots of emotions swirling around.  I am blessed to have friends who give me the ears, the hugs, the presence for whatever it is that was affecting me.

It's also nice to have community when there are rodents infringing on one's house.  what? gross.  a mouse.  again.  this little booger went to a whole new level this weekend when I was away: he crawled into the impossibly narrow space between drawers in my ROOMmate Paige's bedside stand.  translation: in my room, 2 drawers above my desk stuff, next to Paige's head.  NOT OK.  then, during our house prayer/share time Sunday evening, we all paused as we heard the tell-tale scratching/munching sounds coming from around the corner in or near the kitchen.  Three brave housemates stood while I remained happily out of it.  that thing was chomping on our pizza box in the recycling!  hilarious though - Nick, who was the first one up, came back in and asked for a shoe - any shoe - b/c he knew he was gonna freak (his scream rivals any 12-year old...hehe)

Anyway other things I'm learning in community: how to mow the lawn.  ok, confession, I had never operated a push-mower before this year.  Since I've lived in a parsonage my entire life, we didn't have to do our yard, and my brothers and dad took care of the back half-acre field without me or my sister ever having to do it.  and aside from a couple dabblings in riding mowers - occasionally at my grandparent's old farm - I just hadn't done it.  but I enjoy yard work and when it was my turn to do that chore, I phoned a friend and dear Michael instructed me on the way to begin via cell phone (I love those cross-country calls) :)  So by the 2nd rotation of me doing yard work, I had it down, right?  

right.  so, the problem was, the lawn mower ran out of gas.  no big deal - the gas tank is down there and I figured - given my relative intelligence and intuition, I could figure this out.  here's the rub: oil and gas are NOT SYNONYMS.  and if one would, hypothetically, mistake the oil tank/dipstick/valve with the GAS tank...then that's not good.  thankfully, Paige's parents were visiting and her dad came in and I calmly explained that I thought I had ruined the mower and when he heard what I had done he was like, ohhh....yea..probably (ha, to which Paige's mom was like, 'he's a pessimist!') but anyway, we drained the now-ruined dirty gas and tried to start it again with oil in the oil tank and the remaining gas in the GAS tank.  it started after smoking but then it died again (here's to hoping b/c it still didn't have enough gas!).  So....lessons.  good solid life lessons...while living in community.  awesome.

the final thought to carry me home I guess could be on living in this wider DC community given all of this last week's events, though part of me thinks it should be its own post.  but a few thoughts, nonetheless.  it was exciting to live in DC when history was made last week.  since 93% of DC residents voted for Obama, once the election was called it was one big celebration breaking out all over the city.  a few of us who had been watching at my house ran down our street and through a few neighborhoods (fueled by the fervor of civic duty! ha) and there were neighbors smiling/laughing/waving/hugging other neighbors who before were strangers; there were honks from cars, trucks, buses and you knew it was for Obama; there were fireworks and toasts and screaming and dancing and...well, it was amazing.

I'd be happy to reflect more on specific thoughts regarding Obama and his policies. I am not  a 100% fan of what he believes, nor do I anticipate a full acceptance of how he governs.  but I AM inspired by his posture of listening, by his promises of change (especially in some of the areas of US policy that I tracked most last year, including how we treat enemy combatants and the shift I believe will take place in US-sponsored torture), and by the way that people of color and young people and people tired of what has become of the US standing in the world are imagining new things for this country and the people within it. 

now, I want to be careful to say that Obama is not, and should never be confused with Jesus - and some things I believe people are yearning for will only be fulfilled by the Holy Spirit moving and bringing about the kingdom of God here on earth.  People longing for change could mistakenly put messianic hopes onto Obama (there were certainly those who did the same for McCain/Palin) and I would say that's not healthy nor is it loving.  As Christians, we live in the world but are not bound by what fellow humans can promise us.  We live in Christ, the Eternal Hope, who was the ultimate example of how we are to love and live and serve and bring about the kingdom that he began.

ok, my preaching is done.  May you  find encouragement by the words of this corporate prayer we prayed in a church in Philly this weekend:

As we go we call this to mind and therefore are filled with great hope: your mercies never cease. Your compassions never fail.  They are new every morning.  Great is your faithfulness to your people!  Let us rejoice in the real life of Jesus.  May his person be made more real in our hearts. May his love be more fully expressed in our living.  May his joy be our sustenance.  Amen.

Door-ed in DC

Ok annoying little fact about this blog post: it is Take 2 after a post I was especially fond of was SWALLOWED by an errant internet that was acting out because it wanted attention. Last night I wrote a fresh blog post that happened the night of the incident you will shortly learn about. NOW it's a day-old and frankly not quite as interesting. I had even used "duplicative" last night! *sigh*. Read on, brave reader...you may still find enlightenment yet...

ha. ok. so.

To "door" is to [unwittingly] open one's car door into a passing person, often on a bicycle, and often with less than positive results. (let's make this an interactive lesson: ALWAYS check both ways before crossing the street, and ALWAYS check behind you if you're going to swing your door open in an urban street). To be "door-ed" is to HAVE a door swung into you while pedaling or pedestering on said urban street.

Why is this a relevant lesson? BECAUSE IT'S BECOMING AN EPIDEMIC!! In the span of 12 days, THREE people I know got DOOR-ED while on their bikes! and one of them was ME. last night! mother of pearl!

ok so stories. Katy was the first victim. 12 days ago she was cycling along one evening and was slowing to a red light and *BOOM* was doored from a woman coming out of her parked car. Katy was plopped off her bike and her chain popped off and her finger jammed. But she thought she was fine. and then the following day she did all her normal activities - including helping to lift people at her hospice-home workplace - and the next day her back threw a mutiny and it hasn't let up until just this weekend, but it's still very tender. she's been sidelined due to her dang door incident.

last night, I was biking to Katy's to go and meet up with our old housemate Clay and some of his friends. on the way, I had cause to coast down Columbia Road, a downhill stretch right before a red light, and as I was coming past the 2nd-to-last car in the lineup before the red light, *BOOM* the door swung out - of the back passenger side - at the exact moment I was passing him. this punk kid just started laughing and laughing as my bike stayed next to the door and my body flew to the ground. I got up and this old man on the side walk helped me pick up my bike and the guys in the fire truck in front of the culprit car all asked if I was ok and the guy in the car behind the punk kids asked if I was alright...and I checked all my limbs and everything seemed to be in working order. I popped my chain back on and made sure everything else was fine. the fire truck didn't go thru the intersection until I was back on my bike and waved them away. I appreciated the concern of the others, but was s.o. annoyed at the (15? year old) punk kid who just laughed the whole time. yo...dude...this is NOT youtube. it happened and my knee is swollen and thanks for nothing.

all that griping done, I am feeling ok, and feeling fortunate that nothing worse happened. my knee was swollen, and still is a bit, but it's improving little by little and I'm still mobile.

incident number THREE was on the way to church today, one of the current DY girls got door-ed IN A BIKE LANE. she was thrown into the left lane, but there was thankfully no traffic coming, so she wasn't hurt outside of a few bumps. we all commiserated with one another after church.

I guess since I've been biking now for over a year here in DC, my confidence has turned to an unrealistic belief in some sort of superhuman realm of safety that surrounds my bike like an invincibility cloak. well, no more. I now have a more sober perspective, or a renewed healthy fear (reverence) for the vulnerability of me - the city biker - on the open road. now, parental readers out there need not worry: I share this story not to sow fear but just to reap sympathy....haha..no no but just to acknowledge that like any driver of a moving vehicle, we all take risks. So, I will be careful, and alert, and I will pray that car-drivers remember to *cautiously* open their doors and check before doing so, and I will be ever more vigilant about checking/anticipating potentially stupid behavior in the dance we call sharing the road.

*note:* flowers, cards, sympathy checks, and other tokens of your care and concern can be sent to.. :) hehe..just kidding just kidding...

All things considered

Considering my track record of verbosity, isn't it kind of scary to start off with this subject line?  And YET, I will.  It's just that I haven't been as good about reflecting, and so now I have a lot to think about/process.

* Before I began at Jubilee Jobs, I started The Shack.  I'll admit I was intrigued because several people I love and respect recommended it to me, but I was also skeptical: how could it actually be all that great?  Michael W. Smith is on the back of the book raving about it for crying out loud!  For the first 4 chapters, it really wasn't all that great - the author was really into the way he described things (the lump out of the dude's head rose "like a humpback whale over the waves of his thinning hair" .. or something equally gag-reflex-esque).  

BUT - from the 5th chapter on I ate my words!  This book resonated with me; it struck something inside me that has continued to spark my imagination, particularly in regards to how I view God and what kinds of things I'm thinking about related to community, relationships, God's triune characteristics, the foundational truths that I sometimes pass over, and just a whole mess more.  

Some favorite quotes: 

"The choice to hide so many wonders from you is an act of love that is a gift inside the process of life."

"This garden is your soul.  This mess is you!  Together, you and I, we have been working with a purpose in your heart.  And it is wild and beautiful and perfectly in process.  To you it seems like a mess, but to me, I see a perfect pattern emerging and growing and alive..."

There were plenty more good quotes.  I recommend the read.  And then let's talk about it.

* Recent Frustration

It all stems back from me not being the greatest planner-aheader.  I had 45 days to get my temporary registration on my car switched to a for-real registration.  That requires an inspection, and then a trip to the DMV.  Sounds charming, right?  My deadline was Oct. 5 (that's ...today).  So about 10 days ago I realized I had 10 days and began to think about getting my car inspected.  I went online and scheduled for Thursday, Oct 2 (leaving myself 2 extra days for DMV hours...gooooo me).  

Well, Thursday I drove to work (instead of my usual bike-ride) to anticipate booking it down to SW to get my car inspected.  Well, I chose an alternate route than google maps (silly me) and was talking on the phone (strike 2) and wasn't exactly sure where I was going, so had just glanced down at my directions (during stop and go traffic around 5:15p in downtown DC = gross) when *BUMP* ... I hit the car in front of me.

[this story takes a while...shocker, eh?]  So - I had bumped into the rear bumper of this silver Toyota Camry.  I felt bad, b/c it's true, I was distracted.  But the lady started our interaction by saying that when I hit her, it had made her head snap back [on the headrest] and she was feeling dizzy; at a different point she told me she had called a family member because she didn't feel comfortable driving.  I did truly feel penitent - but dizzy?  Unable to drive?  I quickly began to get annoyed: a) at myself; b) at missing my inspection time; c) at drama queen lady; d) at the crappy situation.

So I called my dad (gotta love cell phones) and then called 911.  They dispatched an ambulance and those guys went to the Camry driver to see if she was alright.  The cop lady came and shortly after the Camry lady dismissed the ambulance guys.  The cop initially thought this would be not a big deal - just exchanging information.  But as she assessed the lady's drama level, she had the awareness that this may not settle nice & neat, so she wrote a formal report.  I drive a green car and there was absolutely NO damage to silver-bumper lady's car.  I took 4 pictures on my camera phone (at the suggestion of a sympathetic bystander) and am fully prepared to send them to whomever.  The cop sent me away with a $25 "failure to pay full attention" ticket (which she helpfully hinted could be contested..) and apologized to me for what I was being made to go through (she said, "off the record, I think this lady is BS-ing you").  

*sigh* Anyway, on Friday my insurance called me (I had reported it immediately) asking what happened.  APPARently, the lady is going to try to FILE A CLAIM to the incident!  I am befuddled trying to think of things she could possibly claim.  Imagine you were parallel parking and nudged the car in front of you a little too much.  That'd be similar to what I did to her car.  It was NOTHING.  But this is just something I have to deal with now.  go-ooo-lll-y! Piece of huffin cow patties!

Ok.  Enough ranting.  I'm sure more could follow.  At this point, I will close this lengthy 2-topic reflection and just try to check in more.  Life is moving rapidly and I have yet to feel secure in a balance that would sustain me.  I need more of this reflection time...so I'll have to work at carving that out still.  

For those that made it all the way down the post - good work!  Wishing you all wellness and autumn-ness :)

From the desk of a Job Counselor

This is actually not true. I'm not at my desk because, in stark contrast to last year, I actually have very little flex time at my new job. ha...the thought! So I'm comfortably on my bed, listening to some tunes, and needing to go to bed soon.

But first to reflect. I've now been a training Counselor for a week, and I do believe I've gotten to taste a bit of what's to come. Today I interviewed 4 new clients (we call them "applicants"). Tomorrow I'll interview 4 more. Let me try to put some numbers into persepective: Jubilee Jobs holds an orientation every Monday (barring a national holiday) where we introduce ourselves as a free service to the applicants, and if they stick with our [structured] program, they will eventually get a job (entry-level). A typical Monday in recent weeks has seen between 50-70 people. Yesterday, we had 115 people. An extraordinary high mark for Jubilee and a daunting thought when you consider we have 4 Job Counselors, and then some halfsies (the Executive Director takes a small caseload, and then Micalagh & I are newbies, but have shouldered 8 each given the monstrous numbers). It also indicates the nation's new unemployment level: 6.1% (a 5-year high). Incidently, African Americans face 10.6% unemployment, and they are the majority group that Jubilee serves.

I appreciated the Exec. Director (Terry) who checked in at staff meeting on Monday about the emotional and psychological implications of a group of so many job-seekers. She emphasized that we do not control the tight economy, nor do we control the motivations of the applicants (we call it a "self-selecting" process because there are a number of structures in place that will wittle down some of the numbers as we enforce the rules). It is our job to do the best we can, but not to bear the burden of the entire 63,000 unemployed in DC.

My first week at this job has been really invigorating. I have an inkling that I'm really going to like this work. Today's interviews revealed a little more of how emotionally taxing the job will be. 3 out of the 4 applicants are homeless. None of them were able to afford the $7 fee to get a police clearance, and the only way to get a free voucher for that is to go across town with a bunch of paperwork and then go to another part of town for the clearance.

I think part of what is drawing me into this work is that it's tangible. There are market calls I've done the past week (that reminds me of my persistent [nagging] to get appointments with Congressional staffers at my Maryknoll placement) where I'm on the phone calling employers to see if there are job openings. Every day I fill out a Daily Log that shows my market calls, my interviews arranged, my new applicants seen, etc. This touches my "achiever" mode (dusted off from student-days) in which I get some blood-pumping high off of the glorious CHECK MARK victoriously drawn for some accomplished task; the daily log also helps me with accountability :)

I also love that Jubilee fundamentally looks for everyone's "core of goodness". In college, it was expressed as a strength in developing -- seeing potential in someone or something and wanting to tap that, nurture it, pull it out, and watch it bloom. (hmm...some mixed metaphors...but I'm tired so get over it).

Anyway, exciting stuff is happening. It is a humbling experience, for sure, to think about the enormity of it all, but then again, our job is not to fix everything, but to work hard and well and lovingly in the places we inhabit and know that there are other members of the larger community doing good and faithful work for justice and love and peace as well. So - thanks be to God...Lord, hear our prayers...and good night.

Nicaragua!

Oh my word. So many things going on right now! To break it up a bit and review the last incredible month...

I had the privilege, honor, esteem, blessing, etc. to visit my dear old[er] brother & sister-in-law in Managua, Nicaragua for a week earlier in August. The BEST news any person could imagine after sitting in a Florida airport for 11 hours of a layover and still being delayed and then landing at like 3:30am my body time and tackling them in a hug after not seeing them for almost 2 whole years was to hear (read, actually) that I'm gonna be an AUNTIE!! :) Alan pushed a sign in my face that said "Bienvenida" (to which I was like, oh gracias guys..) "..TIA Emily!" .. to which I said SHUT UP! NO WAY!! *squeal* ))hug(( love all around.

Basically, the underlying principle of the week was that I have an amazing family and I am truly grateful for how good of friends we are. This was the first time all 7 of us were together for this amount of time on a for-real vacation. I mean, in times past, I may have returned from Messiah for Christmas or summer and we'd have a good weekend, or a good afternoon, or a good evening together, but we'd always have cell phones, chores, friends to see, obligations to fulfill, etc. This chance to be together in Nica was removed from all that, and even if there were points of the week when our insides revolted and crippled us into useless pieces of sickness, we STILL benefited from the rest, the concern/care shown, the loving teasing, and the togetherness.

I'm so thankful for the laughter, the good conversations, the reflections, the devotions, and the times of prayer and blessing. I'm also thankful for the chance to be young adults together (as siblings) and have the whole adult-family experience thing at least once before Baby WILSON (j/k...that is not the name...nor do we know the gender...) or Baby Thyme or Baby Bartholomew comes and becomes the puddle of attention that s/he will inevitably dissolve into once we feast our eyes on her/him.

(I'm gonna love as my little sobrino/sobrina grows up and Alan & Beth just shake their heads and say, you are acting exactly like your Auntie Em right now!! HHAHAHAHAHAHA) :)

Nicaragua Pictures: #1; #2; & #3

Torture Poem

So - during my Silent Retreat, I was compelled to write poetry. After some editing post-silence, this is what I came up with:

Justice Asunder
July 2008

stifled humanity –
sequestered indefinitely
sold for bounty –
silenced.

strained,
strung,
stretched,
scavenged for details, sources secondary.

savagery:
“saving lives,” yet
selling out the soldiers while
shamelessly gutting the law.

shocked strangers
shrink; terror abides
shadows loom
suffering strengthens.

seldom seen:
safety. In its
stead,
systematic barbarism.

sunlight scorches,
sleep disrupted
screaming daily
sounds heard nowhere.

sincerity neglected
suspects shrivel
secrecy reigns
sentencing suspended.

supreme court ruled
senate overturned
semblance of justice lacks
shred of authenticity.

suicide watch high
successful on occasion.
still they languish
striving for soul’s release.

slowly attention mounts
small groups push for more
steady message: dignity,
sacred life for all.

sadly Power resists
shrouds ugliness with lies
speaks of “saving American lives”
seduces public with Fear.

sleeping society awaken.
snatch back the convictions
said to be foundational.
sing honestly of justice for all.

sever the severe
soberly confess, redress, return.
sanctify the wretched
serve the sick

seal the taverns of indecency
step into the light of humanity
sustain the progress with
spirited review.

miracle week

We have a house. We have another male housemate. We are moving in August 8. The house has a porch and a deck. Forgive my doubts gracious Provider.

We’ve dubbed this past week as Miracle Week. Last Thursday we got word that our credit check had gone through; Friday they told us we’d sign the lease Monday (giving time for money transfers); Saturday we conference-called Nick and approved him to be a part of our community; Monday we signed the lease. Last Thursday, Isa was offered a scholarship from Wesley Seminary, where she’s planning to attend this fall. Also, Tuesday night a few of us went out for cheap jazz and when we returned, we saw that our garage door was open (dang it!) but that everything was still in the garage – oh my word thank you God.

Last night we had a DY Farewell Service (we called it our Baccalaureate Service) held at the Festival Center. It was a time of encouragement and blessing, and we were able to share 3 worship songs that have been meaningful this year –man do I love making music with my housemates :)

This weekend my housemates and I will spend “closure” time together Friday and Saturday. If all goes according to our plans currently, 6 of us will remain in the city (for at least a few more months), and Chris is the only one leaving. He’ll be going to St. Louis with Mennonite Volunteer Service. Paige may be doing a 3-year stint in Honduras with MCC…that’s still pending, but she’d leave in October if she is accepted. *sigh* So things are made easier because we’re not all scattering, but it is still sad and I will miss both Chris and Paige if/when they leave DC, and I will miss not living with Clay, Isa, and Katy once August 8th passes.

Hold that sadness in tension with my excitement over my approaching international travels and my anticipation for getting to know my new community members, and that is about where I am right now. glory.

NewsNotes articles

As a way of book-marking my NewsNotes articles from this past year, I'm posting them here. The picture included is some art by a current Iraqi refugee; her family was visited by a former Maryknoll Lay Missioner with whom I've been in contact. The artist's caption is below the picture.

Nov/Dec 2007

• Page 20 “Update on Torture”
  

March/April 2008

• Page 9 “Iraq: U.S. withdrawal key to stability” (Maryknoll Leadership Statement on Iraq; I helped draft the 5th point in recommendations – on “Care of refugees”)


• Page 13 “Women and Trafficking”

"They are waiting. Waiting and watching. What will come? Will it be better or worse? What will Bush do now in the Middle East? Will Iran be next?"

May/June 2008

• Page 9 “Iraq: Refugees long to live, unable to work”


• Page 22 “June is Torture Awareness Month”

July/Aug 2008

• Page 22 “Torture: Movement in Supreme Court, Congress”


• Page 23 “Blackwater Worldwide”

house hunt...boo.

Well friends, I made it through the silent retreat :) Actually, I really enjoyed the experience. I’d even think about being silent for a full weekend (this was more like one full day, with us entering silence Friday evening and ending Sunday morning. It was a good space to journal, reconnect with myself, feel connected to God in the beautiful open-air green glory-filled acreage, and reflect on dozens of things that came to mind.

Poetry played an important role in the weekend, giving me good things to mull over and an avenue to process some things I’ve been working through during the year.

It’s remarkable how vastly different the last week has been compared to the peace, space and pace of the 11-13th. Most notably, the housing search that the 6 of us future roommates are doing has been stressful, overwhelming, and marked by partial-and-mis-communication. Oof. We’re trying to work through, press on, double down, whatever you want to call it. We’ve applied to a couple houses but they’ve fallen through; we’re looking at 2 tonight…our hope is that we can sign ASAP and move in at the beginning of August. An ideal move-in day would be Aug. 8, but at this point, we’re trying not to be picky. Any and all prayers are welcomed.

This last week I had the opportunity to host/meet up with some friends I don’t see that often, and each connection was really good and rich. Michele stopped in on her way down south for a month of prayer, Erin stopped in on her way south for a family vacation, and I got to be a part of the bridal shower festivities of the soon-married Jill. Add to those meet-ups some good phone/mail conversations and I have felt encouraged by my greater network of friends. I am thankful for those rays of love that shine in on this darker time of uncertainty and transition.

I’m facing the sadness of the next 3 weeks and the pure excitement of going to Nicaragua on Aug. 9. Talk about rollercoaster…good gravy. Ya know, for years I had been self-identifying as a solid ENTJ on the Myers-Briggs test, this from my test as a sophomore in college during RA years. When I re-took an abbreviated test this fall with my housemates, it turns out I was solidly in the middle (one point toward F, actually) of Thinker & Feeler..making me a hairline feeler. Who knew?! With that door open, I have stepped fully over the threshold and now feel like I spend quite a bit of time processing through my feelings and emotions … those silly things that I proudly was above for the years of being a Thinker. So…all that to say, dealing with one’s emotions is exhausting, and I would much prefer to blink twice and be transported to the Happy-Land of Greener-Grassville and wake up in Nicaragua with my family – having worked everything out with housing, details, and contracts.

Pushing through my love of avoidance and escapism, however, is what Church of the Savior would call a “growing edge.” Also they’d emphasize “being” and “living in the tension” of the raging emotions I’m feeling. *sigh* Do I hafta??

Transitions...oy

One of the biggest growth aspects I’ve seen in myself this year has been the emotional processing that I’ve worked at – not just analyzing situations but “living into” (a favorite Church of the Savior phrase) the emotions of situations. This has been particularly helpful as I’ve tried to process the overwhelming density of information I’ve learned about from my time at Maryknoll.

That being said, it’s not been easy. Grieving the brokenness of our world is not a joyful experience, and one thing I do love is joy (let’s skip the temptation to play ‘state the obvious game’..). This week I’ve felt particularly burdened. There’s been depressing things to read at work, there’s been the ever-moving calendar that marks the last days of DY, there’s been news that perhaps 2 current housemates will be out of the state (and country?) next year and not inhabiting this beloved DC…there’s been shifting friendships and the looming uncertainty of my new position and life in a new (albeit semi-familiar) community in the coming months.

I struggle with this live-into-the-tension because I don’t like feeling like Debbie Downer. But this is where I’ve been. That said, there are moments of incredible light, love, and life – most profoundly displayed in my community. I have often been in a supportive role to friends and family, and yet the exercise to be supported, to be held, to be listened to – those times have been the growing edges of my experience in community. I am blessed, without a doubt.

This weekend, DY will be going to a retreat center to have a weekend of silence and relative solitude. This is a Silent Retreat. From Friday evening to Sunday afternoon. Silence. It’s kind of a big deal. Silence is not so much a strength of mine. I appreciate a few hours of it – definitely to sleep and then even to reflect. But a whole weekend of it?

I am actually looking forward to it. Given the concerns of late, I think the silence and space will be good to journal, to sit and listen, to just be. (another favorite Church of the Savior mantra: focus on being vs. doing). But I would appreciate prayers because I’m feeling a little bit like – whoa. a weekend of silence. kind of intense.

A centering text is Life of the Beloved by Henri Nouwen. I’ve been reading it this week to prepare, and it’s been helpful in the midst of these transitions I’m feeling.

“When we keep claiming the light, we will find ourselves becoming more and more radiant. What fascinates me so much is that every time we decide to be grateful it will be easier to see new things to be grateful for. Gratitude begets gratitude, just as love begets love.”

“The movement of God’s Spirit is very gentle, very soft—and hidden. It does not seek attention. But that movement is also very persistent, strong and deep. It changes our hearts radically. The faithful discipline of prayer reveals to you that you are the blessed one and gives you the power to bless others.”

One thing Nouwen emphasizes is the power of blessing – affirming one another and our core Beloved identities as children of the Most High. I can’t help but think of my dad when I hear “affirmation.” He’s big on affirming, both pastorally and parentally. What an incredible legacy: to be a blesser! A week ago I had the privilege of showing my parents around DC – taking in the internship sites of my housemates and eating dinner together in our community night. I’m so grateful for my supportive, prayerful, affirming parents. Thanks be to God.

p.s. http://www.maryknollogc.org/newsnotes/jul-aug08.pdf - they underwent some editing, and then I had to cut out 100+ words from each, and then my editing (which I ended up preferring) didn’t make the final cut. So – for better or worse, these are my latest articles…pgs. 22 & 23.

Back Porch study

So to address what I didn’t last time: our house has a spacious back porch that has hosted a variety of hang-outs, BBQs, dance parties, etc. It’s also been the space in which a couple has slept because they do not have their own home. Lily & Rob have been sleeping on the back porch (over the garage, not visible from the street, by our back door) for years now. They don’t do it every night, but since the weather’s been better, they’ve been doing it more frequently – or had been starting a couple months ago until about a week or so ago. They come around 1am and leave before 7am, so sometimes we don’t see them.

My housemates and I have struggled with how to address it. DY has a policy that would discourage us to allow them to stay – just for safety concerns. For a little while, we operated with a “live and let live” attitude…they weren’t hurting anything, and the porch is better than a gutter so…

But our neighbors next door started talking to us about asking the couple to not sleep there. We, in turn, began asking the couple to not sleep there, to not unscrew our outside lights so they could sleep in darkness, and to please check out some local shelters. This had minimal effect on them, as we continued to find them sleeping outside.

We met with the neighbors next door to discuss options. While Lily & Rob may not be doing anything harmful while they sleep on the porch, they also may be giving a green light to other folks to come up on the porch – and try other things. We’ve had some issues with random people using our driveway as a bathroom. This is immensely annoying/disgusting/intrusive to bleach-out urine and/or feces from our driveway. It appears that the couple who sleeps on the porch and the people who convert the driveway to a latrine are unrelated. Even still, we have been grappling with how to hold 2 realities in tension: if Jesus was sleeping on our back porch, would we pursue a Barring Notice (basically criminalizing the situation), or would we seek alternatives? In the neighborhood, whose voice do we honor more? Those with homes over those without?

Thankfully, some of our conversations seem to be breaking through. I don’t think the couple has slept outside for over a week now. Chalk this up to more urban ambivalence, living in tensions created by class, race, gender, and other power-dynamics. Lord give us wisdom.

Guerrillas

"I need to breathe deeply"

Ted Loder - Guerrillas of Grace

Eternal Friend,
grant me an ease
to breathe deeply of this moment,
this light,
this miracle of now.
Beneath the din and fury
of great movements
and harsh news
and urgent crises,
make me attentive still
to good news,
to small occasions,
and the grace of what is possible
for me to be,
to do,
to give,
to receive,
that I may miss neither my neighbor’s gift
nor my enemy’s need.

Precious Lord,
grant me
a sense of humor
that adds perspective to compassion,
gratitude
that adds persistence to courage,
quietness of spirit
that adds irrepressibility to hope,
openness of mind
that adds surprise to joy;
that with gladness of heart
I may link arm and aim
with the One who saw signs of your kingdom
in salt and yeast,
pearls and seeds,
travelers and tax collectors,
sowers and harlots,
foreigners and fishermen,
and who opens my eyes with these signs
and my ears with the summons
to follow to something more
of justice and joy.

light summer breezes, heavy DC realities

June was International Torture Awareness Month. It was also a pretty heavy time in my research. I wrote 2 NewsNotes articles for our upcoming July/August issue. One was on the latest [and greatest] torture update, and one was on Blackwater Worldwide. I can include the links when they’re published.

It grieves me to think about the abuses our government officials have authorized and persons in the intelligence and military communities have carried out. Turns out that prisoners kept in Guantánamo (known for its coercive methods) were treated pretty moderately when compared to the horror at Bagram Air Base or Kandahar Base, both in Afghanistan. Who have we become?

A NYT article today showed that many of the techniques used to interrogate detainees at GITMO came from a Chinese Communist Coercion manual that the US Air Force studied after the Korean War. It was supposed to be a guide to inform military personnel of some of the unlawful techniques (back in the ‘50s they called it “brainwashing”) that the Chinese used against US POWs. The thing is, these techniques mostly yielded bogus intelligence. US people were admitting to acts that didn’t even make sense.

And THIS…THIS is what our officials have authorized to use on others that WE’RE interrogating. The US. Interrogating people who are “said” to be involved in some sort of terrorism. I’m not denying that there may be some in US custody right now who have participated on some level with terrorism. But why…why?...have we compromised tried and true techniques for the more aggressive, less moral, illegal, more dehumanizing approach that uses cruelty and torture? Especially when the oft-coveted-yet-elusive-“actionable intelligence” fails to come through when people are kept in stress positions, denied sleep, subjected to extreme temperatures, beaten, humiliated, forced to endure interrogations for hours on end, etc.

The recent Supreme Court case (on habeas corpus – decided on June 12) allows detainees to question their imprisonment. This just means they’ll have a voice in US courts, which is a basic right understood from the beginning of the US democracy and before. It’s what distinguishes a democracy from a tyranny. Or it used to. The current administration has taken huge steps to increasing [virtually] unchecked executive power and privilege, in the name of “war-time” necessity. The expansion of executive power is news-worthy and cause for concern unless it happens under our noses. Then it’s done on the sly and in the cover of double-talk and manipulation. Add to the mix a capitulating Congress and we’ve got a big hot mess. On several fronts. So I know I’m coming on strong, but I think we need to wake up to the travesty that’s happening in my [literal] backyard. (I live 3 miles north of the White House).

Onto more pleasant news: the recent weather has been beautiful (how’s that for a switch in topic??) Have I mentioned lately that I love riding my bike? Because I do. It’s glorious. And I’m just becoming a little bike mechanic because of some issues my new-used-bike has been having. Repairs have been minor, but they’ve included 2 flat back tire / re-installations and putting a doo-hickey-metal thing back into my left gear shifter… thing-a-ma-jig.

Also, I was fortunate enough to get to join the Jamisons for some beach-vacating last week. 2.5 days in the Outer Banks (ironically in Blackwater country – their 6000 acre complex not far from where we were), relaxing in the beautiful rented beach house, taking long walks on the beach (*smile*), and bobbing around the Atlantic for a bit (“outside!!”).

There are 7 of us (4 current DYers and 3 others) who are talking about living in community next year here in DC. We’re house-hunting, and while we’re learning the neighborhoods around us a little better, we haven’t found anything just yet that we’ve signed up for. Prayers are appreciated for clarity in a) what house, b) finances, c) community members securing jobs, d) resolution to who indeed will be living together. It’s a time fraught with excitement, anticipation, apprehension, and day-dreaming.

Just a final thought: I can’t believe it’s July, and I’m sad that we’re on a count-down for DY. I’m living in a tension, though, because I get to see Alan and Beth the DAY after I’m officially “done” with DY. Talk about bittersweet! The redemption comes in the knowledge that all of my current housemates could end up in the city next year…which would make our parting less sorrowful.

Remind me to reflect on the challenges of loving neighbors. Because we’re neighbors with a few kinds of people – those with homes and those without. What to do when interests clash? Next time…

Future, vacation, and workday thoughts

Lots of things are swirling about right now. Some of them are fantastic; some of them are confusing; some of them are overwhelming; but all of it is far from dull.

To begin: I know how much I will be making and what the benefits are (a month later after being offered the job) and so I officially have a start date for Jubilee Jobs: September 2, 2008. Woo! This will enable me to go to Nicaragua for a week with my family, then have 2 weeks to decompress, play, roadtrip?, move, etc. after my DY commitment is over. I’m excited.

Last evening 7 of us met to talk about potentially forming a community to live in next year. 4 of us were current DYers, and 3 others we’ve gotten to know in various circles this year. I was very energized by the conversation, and hopeful for what all will shake down as the weeks unfold.

This last weekend my housemates and I went to the Chesapeake Bay to get away from the city and be together. It was stinking hot, but we were 4 steps from the water, so it worked out. Saturday was a particularly good day: from sleeping in to journaling on the deck; a good breakfast to a good run; a much needed dip in the bay (and an UNneeded fishing hook in my foot!); some laying around; some reading; some walk-taking; some sunset watching and lightning ooOOOoing; a humbling Monopoly game and a spectacular smore-singalong…it was refreshing and lovely.

Can I just say..I’ve NEVER played a game of Monopoly like that one. We set a time limit on it so we could accommodate the excited capitalists in our group (j/k) and the reticent game-players. In the ENTIRE 90 minutes, I procured ZERO properties; went to jail TWICE; landed on Chance and had to pay $50 to EACH housemate; and generally fell to the ill-will of capitalism. OH MY WORD. Anyway, I’m not bitter though.

Some things I’ve been thinking about at work: Democracy Now! is an excellent resource. (www.democracynow.org). I’ve truly appreciated their perspectives, and it’s largely because they’re not corporate-media-owned, so they’re able to move more freely in pursuing stories that may not benefit the elite conglomerate owners (of all the major networks/cable stations).

Also, Bill Moyers is the man! His reporting and his thoughts on Big Media and its role in harming democracy are compelling and provocative. That, and I’ve been reading more about the propaganda that led to the initiation of our current mess in Iraq. Really interesting to think about what was being sold as truth then, and what has come out as truth now. Also intriguing to hear how authorities have either taken responsibility for what they said then and now (rare) or how they’ve dodged blame and doggedly stood by their positions despite mounting evidence to cause many to question.

I’m in the middle of research for an upcoming article on the role of Blackwater USA in the security detail of US Government officials in Iraq. There are now more contractors paid to stay in Iraq than troops…not all of them are armed (some do tasks like laundry and cooking), but others ARE armed, and earning far more than the military personnel who are working (ideally) under the military codes of conduct that answer to the Constitution. Ah the marriage of money and power…absolute power corrupts absolutely.

New Wheels!

I bought a bike! It's name is...undetermined. But it's red; it's sleak; it's my new baby. And I've already changed its [diaper] back tire and fixed one of the shifters. Just call me - handy.

Anyway, much thanks to the Festival Church and Uncle Sam for making this purchase possible!

Transitions - Why blog?

So - I'm starting a blog (though I fear it's kinda cliche). I'm doing this to keep up my discipline of reflecting on my time here in DC (and beyond?) while acknowledging that my dear friends and family may enjoy a hiatus from the weekly deluge of verbage. I'm not entirely sure when I'll be making the full switch, but I'm anticipating the end of my DY time (sad) and so will try to do it smoothly-ish.

I'll share this link with those I think may enjoy hearing what's going on here and what I'm thinking about, but this format allows for a more hands-off approach to sharing life, which may be a welcome relief for some. For others, maybe I'll send you a link everytime I post something new :)

All this said, I still would enjoy dialogue to the best of your ability, so comments, emails, calls, are always welcome.

The difference between blogs and emails? No more awkward ending lines to think of!! :)