house hunt...boo.

Well friends, I made it through the silent retreat :) Actually, I really enjoyed the experience. I’d even think about being silent for a full weekend (this was more like one full day, with us entering silence Friday evening and ending Sunday morning. It was a good space to journal, reconnect with myself, feel connected to God in the beautiful open-air green glory-filled acreage, and reflect on dozens of things that came to mind.

Poetry played an important role in the weekend, giving me good things to mull over and an avenue to process some things I’ve been working through during the year.

It’s remarkable how vastly different the last week has been compared to the peace, space and pace of the 11-13th. Most notably, the housing search that the 6 of us future roommates are doing has been stressful, overwhelming, and marked by partial-and-mis-communication. Oof. We’re trying to work through, press on, double down, whatever you want to call it. We’ve applied to a couple houses but they’ve fallen through; we’re looking at 2 tonight…our hope is that we can sign ASAP and move in at the beginning of August. An ideal move-in day would be Aug. 8, but at this point, we’re trying not to be picky. Any and all prayers are welcomed.

This last week I had the opportunity to host/meet up with some friends I don’t see that often, and each connection was really good and rich. Michele stopped in on her way down south for a month of prayer, Erin stopped in on her way south for a family vacation, and I got to be a part of the bridal shower festivities of the soon-married Jill. Add to those meet-ups some good phone/mail conversations and I have felt encouraged by my greater network of friends. I am thankful for those rays of love that shine in on this darker time of uncertainty and transition.

I’m facing the sadness of the next 3 weeks and the pure excitement of going to Nicaragua on Aug. 9. Talk about rollercoaster…good gravy. Ya know, for years I had been self-identifying as a solid ENTJ on the Myers-Briggs test, this from my test as a sophomore in college during RA years. When I re-took an abbreviated test this fall with my housemates, it turns out I was solidly in the middle (one point toward F, actually) of Thinker & Feeler..making me a hairline feeler. Who knew?! With that door open, I have stepped fully over the threshold and now feel like I spend quite a bit of time processing through my feelings and emotions … those silly things that I proudly was above for the years of being a Thinker. So…all that to say, dealing with one’s emotions is exhausting, and I would much prefer to blink twice and be transported to the Happy-Land of Greener-Grassville and wake up in Nicaragua with my family – having worked everything out with housing, details, and contracts.

Pushing through my love of avoidance and escapism, however, is what Church of the Savior would call a “growing edge.” Also they’d emphasize “being” and “living in the tension” of the raging emotions I’m feeling. *sigh* Do I hafta??