Transitions...oy

One of the biggest growth aspects I’ve seen in myself this year has been the emotional processing that I’ve worked at – not just analyzing situations but “living into” (a favorite Church of the Savior phrase) the emotions of situations. This has been particularly helpful as I’ve tried to process the overwhelming density of information I’ve learned about from my time at Maryknoll.

That being said, it’s not been easy. Grieving the brokenness of our world is not a joyful experience, and one thing I do love is joy (let’s skip the temptation to play ‘state the obvious game’..). This week I’ve felt particularly burdened. There’s been depressing things to read at work, there’s been the ever-moving calendar that marks the last days of DY, there’s been news that perhaps 2 current housemates will be out of the state (and country?) next year and not inhabiting this beloved DC…there’s been shifting friendships and the looming uncertainty of my new position and life in a new (albeit semi-familiar) community in the coming months.

I struggle with this live-into-the-tension because I don’t like feeling like Debbie Downer. But this is where I’ve been. That said, there are moments of incredible light, love, and life – most profoundly displayed in my community. I have often been in a supportive role to friends and family, and yet the exercise to be supported, to be held, to be listened to – those times have been the growing edges of my experience in community. I am blessed, without a doubt.

This weekend, DY will be going to a retreat center to have a weekend of silence and relative solitude. This is a Silent Retreat. From Friday evening to Sunday afternoon. Silence. It’s kind of a big deal. Silence is not so much a strength of mine. I appreciate a few hours of it – definitely to sleep and then even to reflect. But a whole weekend of it?

I am actually looking forward to it. Given the concerns of late, I think the silence and space will be good to journal, to sit and listen, to just be. (another favorite Church of the Savior mantra: focus on being vs. doing). But I would appreciate prayers because I’m feeling a little bit like – whoa. a weekend of silence. kind of intense.

A centering text is Life of the Beloved by Henri Nouwen. I’ve been reading it this week to prepare, and it’s been helpful in the midst of these transitions I’m feeling.

“When we keep claiming the light, we will find ourselves becoming more and more radiant. What fascinates me so much is that every time we decide to be grateful it will be easier to see new things to be grateful for. Gratitude begets gratitude, just as love begets love.”

“The movement of God’s Spirit is very gentle, very soft—and hidden. It does not seek attention. But that movement is also very persistent, strong and deep. It changes our hearts radically. The faithful discipline of prayer reveals to you that you are the blessed one and gives you the power to bless others.”

One thing Nouwen emphasizes is the power of blessing – affirming one another and our core Beloved identities as children of the Most High. I can’t help but think of my dad when I hear “affirmation.” He’s big on affirming, both pastorally and parentally. What an incredible legacy: to be a blesser! A week ago I had the privilege of showing my parents around DC – taking in the internship sites of my housemates and eating dinner together in our community night. I’m so grateful for my supportive, prayerful, affirming parents. Thanks be to God.

p.s. http://www.maryknollogc.org/newsnotes/jul-aug08.pdf - they underwent some editing, and then I had to cut out 100+ words from each, and then my editing (which I ended up preferring) didn’t make the final cut. So – for better or worse, these are my latest articles…pgs. 22 & 23.