Torture Poem

So - during my Silent Retreat, I was compelled to write poetry. After some editing post-silence, this is what I came up with:

Justice Asunder
July 2008

stifled humanity –
sequestered indefinitely
sold for bounty –
silenced.

strained,
strung,
stretched,
scavenged for details, sources secondary.

savagery:
“saving lives,” yet
selling out the soldiers while
shamelessly gutting the law.

shocked strangers
shrink; terror abides
shadows loom
suffering strengthens.

seldom seen:
safety. In its
stead,
systematic barbarism.

sunlight scorches,
sleep disrupted
screaming daily
sounds heard nowhere.

sincerity neglected
suspects shrivel
secrecy reigns
sentencing suspended.

supreme court ruled
senate overturned
semblance of justice lacks
shred of authenticity.

suicide watch high
successful on occasion.
still they languish
striving for soul’s release.

slowly attention mounts
small groups push for more
steady message: dignity,
sacred life for all.

sadly Power resists
shrouds ugliness with lies
speaks of “saving American lives”
seduces public with Fear.

sleeping society awaken.
snatch back the convictions
said to be foundational.
sing honestly of justice for all.

sever the severe
soberly confess, redress, return.
sanctify the wretched
serve the sick

seal the taverns of indecency
step into the light of humanity
sustain the progress with
spirited review.

miracle week

We have a house. We have another male housemate. We are moving in August 8. The house has a porch and a deck. Forgive my doubts gracious Provider.

We’ve dubbed this past week as Miracle Week. Last Thursday we got word that our credit check had gone through; Friday they told us we’d sign the lease Monday (giving time for money transfers); Saturday we conference-called Nick and approved him to be a part of our community; Monday we signed the lease. Last Thursday, Isa was offered a scholarship from Wesley Seminary, where she’s planning to attend this fall. Also, Tuesday night a few of us went out for cheap jazz and when we returned, we saw that our garage door was open (dang it!) but that everything was still in the garage – oh my word thank you God.

Last night we had a DY Farewell Service (we called it our Baccalaureate Service) held at the Festival Center. It was a time of encouragement and blessing, and we were able to share 3 worship songs that have been meaningful this year –man do I love making music with my housemates :)

This weekend my housemates and I will spend “closure” time together Friday and Saturday. If all goes according to our plans currently, 6 of us will remain in the city (for at least a few more months), and Chris is the only one leaving. He’ll be going to St. Louis with Mennonite Volunteer Service. Paige may be doing a 3-year stint in Honduras with MCC…that’s still pending, but she’d leave in October if she is accepted. *sigh* So things are made easier because we’re not all scattering, but it is still sad and I will miss both Chris and Paige if/when they leave DC, and I will miss not living with Clay, Isa, and Katy once August 8th passes.

Hold that sadness in tension with my excitement over my approaching international travels and my anticipation for getting to know my new community members, and that is about where I am right now. glory.

NewsNotes articles

As a way of book-marking my NewsNotes articles from this past year, I'm posting them here. The picture included is some art by a current Iraqi refugee; her family was visited by a former Maryknoll Lay Missioner with whom I've been in contact. The artist's caption is below the picture.

Nov/Dec 2007

• Page 20 “Update on Torture”
  

March/April 2008

• Page 9 “Iraq: U.S. withdrawal key to stability” (Maryknoll Leadership Statement on Iraq; I helped draft the 5th point in recommendations – on “Care of refugees”)


• Page 13 “Women and Trafficking”

"They are waiting. Waiting and watching. What will come? Will it be better or worse? What will Bush do now in the Middle East? Will Iran be next?"

May/June 2008

• Page 9 “Iraq: Refugees long to live, unable to work”


• Page 22 “June is Torture Awareness Month”

July/Aug 2008

• Page 22 “Torture: Movement in Supreme Court, Congress”


• Page 23 “Blackwater Worldwide”

house hunt...boo.

Well friends, I made it through the silent retreat :) Actually, I really enjoyed the experience. I’d even think about being silent for a full weekend (this was more like one full day, with us entering silence Friday evening and ending Sunday morning. It was a good space to journal, reconnect with myself, feel connected to God in the beautiful open-air green glory-filled acreage, and reflect on dozens of things that came to mind.

Poetry played an important role in the weekend, giving me good things to mull over and an avenue to process some things I’ve been working through during the year.

It’s remarkable how vastly different the last week has been compared to the peace, space and pace of the 11-13th. Most notably, the housing search that the 6 of us future roommates are doing has been stressful, overwhelming, and marked by partial-and-mis-communication. Oof. We’re trying to work through, press on, double down, whatever you want to call it. We’ve applied to a couple houses but they’ve fallen through; we’re looking at 2 tonight…our hope is that we can sign ASAP and move in at the beginning of August. An ideal move-in day would be Aug. 8, but at this point, we’re trying not to be picky. Any and all prayers are welcomed.

This last week I had the opportunity to host/meet up with some friends I don’t see that often, and each connection was really good and rich. Michele stopped in on her way down south for a month of prayer, Erin stopped in on her way south for a family vacation, and I got to be a part of the bridal shower festivities of the soon-married Jill. Add to those meet-ups some good phone/mail conversations and I have felt encouraged by my greater network of friends. I am thankful for those rays of love that shine in on this darker time of uncertainty and transition.

I’m facing the sadness of the next 3 weeks and the pure excitement of going to Nicaragua on Aug. 9. Talk about rollercoaster…good gravy. Ya know, for years I had been self-identifying as a solid ENTJ on the Myers-Briggs test, this from my test as a sophomore in college during RA years. When I re-took an abbreviated test this fall with my housemates, it turns out I was solidly in the middle (one point toward F, actually) of Thinker & Feeler..making me a hairline feeler. Who knew?! With that door open, I have stepped fully over the threshold and now feel like I spend quite a bit of time processing through my feelings and emotions … those silly things that I proudly was above for the years of being a Thinker. So…all that to say, dealing with one’s emotions is exhausting, and I would much prefer to blink twice and be transported to the Happy-Land of Greener-Grassville and wake up in Nicaragua with my family – having worked everything out with housing, details, and contracts.

Pushing through my love of avoidance and escapism, however, is what Church of the Savior would call a “growing edge.” Also they’d emphasize “being” and “living in the tension” of the raging emotions I’m feeling. *sigh* Do I hafta??

Transitions...oy

One of the biggest growth aspects I’ve seen in myself this year has been the emotional processing that I’ve worked at – not just analyzing situations but “living into” (a favorite Church of the Savior phrase) the emotions of situations. This has been particularly helpful as I’ve tried to process the overwhelming density of information I’ve learned about from my time at Maryknoll.

That being said, it’s not been easy. Grieving the brokenness of our world is not a joyful experience, and one thing I do love is joy (let’s skip the temptation to play ‘state the obvious game’..). This week I’ve felt particularly burdened. There’s been depressing things to read at work, there’s been the ever-moving calendar that marks the last days of DY, there’s been news that perhaps 2 current housemates will be out of the state (and country?) next year and not inhabiting this beloved DC…there’s been shifting friendships and the looming uncertainty of my new position and life in a new (albeit semi-familiar) community in the coming months.

I struggle with this live-into-the-tension because I don’t like feeling like Debbie Downer. But this is where I’ve been. That said, there are moments of incredible light, love, and life – most profoundly displayed in my community. I have often been in a supportive role to friends and family, and yet the exercise to be supported, to be held, to be listened to – those times have been the growing edges of my experience in community. I am blessed, without a doubt.

This weekend, DY will be going to a retreat center to have a weekend of silence and relative solitude. This is a Silent Retreat. From Friday evening to Sunday afternoon. Silence. It’s kind of a big deal. Silence is not so much a strength of mine. I appreciate a few hours of it – definitely to sleep and then even to reflect. But a whole weekend of it?

I am actually looking forward to it. Given the concerns of late, I think the silence and space will be good to journal, to sit and listen, to just be. (another favorite Church of the Savior mantra: focus on being vs. doing). But I would appreciate prayers because I’m feeling a little bit like – whoa. a weekend of silence. kind of intense.

A centering text is Life of the Beloved by Henri Nouwen. I’ve been reading it this week to prepare, and it’s been helpful in the midst of these transitions I’m feeling.

“When we keep claiming the light, we will find ourselves becoming more and more radiant. What fascinates me so much is that every time we decide to be grateful it will be easier to see new things to be grateful for. Gratitude begets gratitude, just as love begets love.”

“The movement of God’s Spirit is very gentle, very soft—and hidden. It does not seek attention. But that movement is also very persistent, strong and deep. It changes our hearts radically. The faithful discipline of prayer reveals to you that you are the blessed one and gives you the power to bless others.”

One thing Nouwen emphasizes is the power of blessing – affirming one another and our core Beloved identities as children of the Most High. I can’t help but think of my dad when I hear “affirmation.” He’s big on affirming, both pastorally and parentally. What an incredible legacy: to be a blesser! A week ago I had the privilege of showing my parents around DC – taking in the internship sites of my housemates and eating dinner together in our community night. I’m so grateful for my supportive, prayerful, affirming parents. Thanks be to God.

p.s. http://www.maryknollogc.org/newsnotes/jul-aug08.pdf - they underwent some editing, and then I had to cut out 100+ words from each, and then my editing (which I ended up preferring) didn’t make the final cut. So – for better or worse, these are my latest articles…pgs. 22 & 23.

Back Porch study

So to address what I didn’t last time: our house has a spacious back porch that has hosted a variety of hang-outs, BBQs, dance parties, etc. It’s also been the space in which a couple has slept because they do not have their own home. Lily & Rob have been sleeping on the back porch (over the garage, not visible from the street, by our back door) for years now. They don’t do it every night, but since the weather’s been better, they’ve been doing it more frequently – or had been starting a couple months ago until about a week or so ago. They come around 1am and leave before 7am, so sometimes we don’t see them.

My housemates and I have struggled with how to address it. DY has a policy that would discourage us to allow them to stay – just for safety concerns. For a little while, we operated with a “live and let live” attitude…they weren’t hurting anything, and the porch is better than a gutter so…

But our neighbors next door started talking to us about asking the couple to not sleep there. We, in turn, began asking the couple to not sleep there, to not unscrew our outside lights so they could sleep in darkness, and to please check out some local shelters. This had minimal effect on them, as we continued to find them sleeping outside.

We met with the neighbors next door to discuss options. While Lily & Rob may not be doing anything harmful while they sleep on the porch, they also may be giving a green light to other folks to come up on the porch – and try other things. We’ve had some issues with random people using our driveway as a bathroom. This is immensely annoying/disgusting/intrusive to bleach-out urine and/or feces from our driveway. It appears that the couple who sleeps on the porch and the people who convert the driveway to a latrine are unrelated. Even still, we have been grappling with how to hold 2 realities in tension: if Jesus was sleeping on our back porch, would we pursue a Barring Notice (basically criminalizing the situation), or would we seek alternatives? In the neighborhood, whose voice do we honor more? Those with homes over those without?

Thankfully, some of our conversations seem to be breaking through. I don’t think the couple has slept outside for over a week now. Chalk this up to more urban ambivalence, living in tensions created by class, race, gender, and other power-dynamics. Lord give us wisdom.

Guerrillas

"I need to breathe deeply"

Ted Loder - Guerrillas of Grace

Eternal Friend,
grant me an ease
to breathe deeply of this moment,
this light,
this miracle of now.
Beneath the din and fury
of great movements
and harsh news
and urgent crises,
make me attentive still
to good news,
to small occasions,
and the grace of what is possible
for me to be,
to do,
to give,
to receive,
that I may miss neither my neighbor’s gift
nor my enemy’s need.

Precious Lord,
grant me
a sense of humor
that adds perspective to compassion,
gratitude
that adds persistence to courage,
quietness of spirit
that adds irrepressibility to hope,
openness of mind
that adds surprise to joy;
that with gladness of heart
I may link arm and aim
with the One who saw signs of your kingdom
in salt and yeast,
pearls and seeds,
travelers and tax collectors,
sowers and harlots,
foreigners and fishermen,
and who opens my eyes with these signs
and my ears with the summons
to follow to something more
of justice and joy.